This is from an anonymous reader who has struggled with porn (and happens to be a woman):
I struggled with porn since I was 13 years old. I shared a room with my sister, who is four years younger than me. She’d go to sleep and in the middle of the night I’d wake up and press the channel button until it landed on channel 52 — the Spice channel. I couldn’t see everything with clarity, but I heard moaning. It intrigued me so much that I wanted to hear it again. I wondered why the women moaned as much as they did. My curiosity led to a habit every day for years. Later, my parents bought digital television in our living room. I’d wake up at 3am, tip-toe to the TV, and pass up channel 52 for channel 51 — what I discovered to be the Playboy channel.
I couldn’t believe we had the Playboy and Spice channel. I could now see the programs clearly. No more jumbled images on the screen. I’m still not sure if my dad intentionally bought those channels or if they came with the digital package we had at the time.
Every night, for years while my parents peacefully slept in their backroom, I’d crawl in the front, close our hallway door, and put on porn.
What’s strange about it was that I wasn’t watching it to masturbate or even to have sex. Instead, it built up terribly in my mind and replayed in the most inconvenient times — like church. I’d sing a song in the choir and bam! — a porn scene popped up in my mind.
It was so bad that I memorized certain movies and preferred to watch “certain” types of porn than others. I had no idea the spirituality behind it at the time. It stuck with me for years, which later contributed to my very sexually active lifestyle.
I enjoyed watching porn, but it deeply crushed me years later.
It took a lot of prayer, fasting, and completely letting go of the Internet for me to be delivered. I was desperate. I didn’t know what sexuality immorality was, but I did know that what I was watching was wrong. How could I shake my head at my own sin — knowing I was wrong — yet watch the struggling women who were involved in it
Ashley, I am so thankful for your ministry because it’s one that I know will really help many women heal. Porn is a very serious spiritual thing — more spiritual than anything. It doesn’t just pull men in with its tempting lures, it drags women under the mud too. It’s a demonic spirit that is trying to ruin the minds and hearts of people everywhere. Porn needs to be crushed. This is one way to do it.
Thanks for letting me share my story. Praise God for deliverance!
