Men are visually wired. There will ALWAYS be the temptation for a man to look. When George first when through this, I called him and asked him 5073 questions about any women who may have walked into his workplace that day. He broke down and cried to a customer. The customer was a man in his 80’s who is the kindest, most gentle old man ever. He (an 80yo man) walked home from where George worked one day because he realized he didn’t have his license on him. Talk about integrity! Well, when George broke down to this man, the guy said, “Even at my age the temptation is still there, every day. But it’s what you do with the temptation that matters.”
We have held onto those words. To ask your husband not to be tempted or sometimes desire to look at other beautiful women is like asking a kid to choose bedtime over an extra five minutes of play. Impossible to get the outcome you want. Remember, the desire to LOOK at another woman and the desire to BE with another woman are not the same thing. Men are and will be tempted their entire lives, but it’s how they handle it that matters.
You also have to give your husband some grace. If he is working toward change you have to realize that he is trying to change one of the most addictive issues men have. He’s trying to re-wire things that have been that way in him for years and years. It’s going to take some time. He may still fall … but you can fight with him instead of blaming him. This is a mess. All of it. Lust is huge. It’s just huge. But it’s possible for him to change. George is a completely different man now… It can happen!
What both of you need to do is stop thinking “I” or “me” so much and think … What about YOU? What can I do for you? How can I fight for you? How can I understand your heart better? He needs to do this for you, and you need to do this for him.
Our marriages should be about dying to ourselves for God and for each other. Husbands … love your wives as Jesus loves the church. That’s big love! Wives … submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Wow. That’s big love! Jesus doesn’t complain about loving the church (us). He doesn’t tell us we aren’t worth fighting for. He fights. So should men. The way in which we should submit to God is mighty. To ask wives to submit to their husband’s in this way is huge. It’s asking someone to die to themselves and live for someone else.
Can we do that for God? Can we do that for our spouses? Men, I’m talking to you too.
We all need to lay our lives down for each other. Live not for ourselves and our own desires, but for others. If a man loved his wife in this way, she would not feel worthless to him. If a woman loved a man this way, he would not feel worthless to her. Both would know their place in the others heart. Both would know without a doubt that they are loved.
That’s what we should be striving for in our broken marriages. To show the other person how much we love them, even after we’ve been hurt or have been the one causing pain. Today is a new day. A chance to choose to love our spouse more than we love ourselves. A chance to seek to please our spouses, instead of focusing on what we are lacking from them.
It’s a chance, right now, that you are given — to follow in the footsteps of the most beautiful feet to walk this earth (Jesus Christ) or to walk down your own path.
Both husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, I pray you choose love.
