It’s not porn. It’s not lust. It’s not insecurity. It’s not lack of sex. It’s not what you think it is. These are only tools aiding the destruction of your marriage. The real killer is pride.
Love is a child of humility. Anger, evil, destruction … they are children of pride. Most marital problems exist because of a lack of real communication which is a result of two people (or simply one) who are so set in their ways, their rights, their own views, that they cannot possibly be sensitive to the needs of the other. Neither (or one) is not willing to sway, to die, to relinquish their rights for the sake of the other person. It’s too much love for self, and not enough love for your spouse.
Porn is a result of pride, so is lust, so is insecurity. So, you see, porn cannot kill your marriage, neither can an insecure wife. Porn and insecurity are only symptoms of pride. Pride is the real killer. And it’s what we need to focus on killing if we want our marriages to survive.
Loving another person involves humility. Saying your sorry even when you feel you didn’t do anything wrong. And even more than that, looking for ways you may have contributed to the problem instead of defending yourself and pointing out why the other person is the problem. Be the problem, every time, and say you are sorry and mean it. Take the blame for a murder you didn’t commit, because chances are you were involved in some way, whether little or big. Focus more on your own sin, your own faults, and your own spiritual issues, instead of pointing fingers at your spouse.
Confess your sins and take responsibility for them. Do not blame your actions on another. Ultimately, you are the only person responsible for your sin. Hate sin and mourn the sin in this world. Mourn your own pride and deeply desire to uproot all of it from your heart.
A prideful spouse may say sorry, but not really mean it and inside still be unrepentant. Inside he/she still strongly holds onto his/her view and “rights.” How can love grow stronger when we have such a tight grip on pride? It can’t. It withers into nothing and we are left on our death bed with only pride surrounding us, which will not go with us when we die.
Do not ask for forgiveness or say you are sorry because “that’s what you’re supposed to do.” When you repent, but don’t mean it, you hold onto excuses for your sins and can, in no way, truly mourn sin. A person who is mournful of their sins in deep humility is a person who takes full responsibility for his/her actions and repents in truth and love. Pride justifies itself, humility doesn’t.
Take a look at what’s really killing your marriage. The wife is not without blame. Pride is something we all struggle with. The less pride in our hearts, the less tools (porn, insecurity) there will be in our lives that aid in the destruction of our marriages. Husband and wife, aim your arrows at pride and evil instead of each other. Fight with each other against the arrows aimed at your hearts and marriage, instead of fighting each other on opposing sides. Do not let pride win. Jesus has overcome this world. Look to Him for strength and ask for humility. A hard prayer to pray, but so worth it in the loooong run. Store up treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy.
