Many wives come to a point in their marriage where they think viewing porn with their husbands will make everything all better. If we can somehow gain the confidence to watch porn with him, act like a porn star, and please him in every way he wants to be pleased based off of the porn movies he views … well, then maybe our insecurities will go away, he’ll stop hiding his addiction, and we can have a great sex life together!
Right.
I’ve read many stories of women who do this. Some people even begin their marriages with a mutual understanding of watching porn and masturbating together or watching porn together and going off to imitate what they see.
I know there are many women in this world who will argue that watching porn with their husbands is oh so enjoyable. They are many women that justify porn and say it’s not a big a deal. But why?
Why have we forsaken the beauty of true love and intimacy and replaced it with a self-satisfying sex life that is hurting many porn stars in the process?
For everyone out there who thinks porn is a great “addition” to their marriage, for everyone who believes it’s not a big deal, and for every man and woman who has yet to fully experience true, beautiful intimacy without a need for an orgasm … I want to say to you:
Stop hiding. Stop pretending. We can spend our lives experiencing surfacey pleasures. We can spend our marriages being aroused by other people. We can seek the most powerful orgasms in this world. OR … we can come out from the shadows. We can stop pretending that porn is healthy, that bringing other people into our bedrooms is healthy, and that we’re 100% confident every time our man looks at another woman (or vice versa). We can be real. We can spend our lives experiencing profound pleasures that last for eternity. We can spend our marriages arousing our spouse. And get this … we can seek to please our spouse instead of ourselves.
How’s that for an option? How about having sex with our spouses to truly enjoy and experience that person on an emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental level at the same time? An intimacy you can only share with that one person? How about having sex with our spouses without thinking twice about an orgasm, just being so wrapped up in all that they are that the orgasm comes as a surprise ending? What about that??
People may think I’m just coming from this from a religious standpoint, but that’s not it. I’m telling you that you were made for more than relationships that are all about you or all about your spouse. You were made for relationships that are beautifully interwoven as ONE, where both people lay their lives down for the other.
Healthy marriages aren’t made from thriving, wild sex lives. But beautiful, thriving sex lives are the only sex lives that come from a healthy, truly healthy, marriage. Sure, you can have great orgasms your entire life without a great marriage. But you can’t have a great sex life without a great marriage. If you think so, you’re missing out, because a great sex life involves becoming one with your spouse … not sharing your spouse and focusing on your own needs or trying to live up to your spouses needs.
If our husband’s (or wives) refuse to stop looking at porn they are not seeking to please us, they are seeking to please themselves. You want to see a beautiful, great marriage? Lay your lives down for each other and seek to please your spouses, not yourselves.
Porn is so dangerous. And it’s amazing how many people justify it. Even porn stars hide their pain. We all pretend that we’re so confident when we aren’t. We pretend that celebrity crushes are all fun and games, when deep down we know we want to experience true, romantic intimacy with our spouses.
My thoughts?
Let’s stop pretending. Let’s stop watching porn together. Let’s stop watching porn altogether.
This world has forgotten what true love and intimacy is. Watching porn together is not going to help us find that.
My prayer tonight is that everyone in this world affected by porn will be willing to admit that they are negatively affected by it, instead of hiding. That men and women across the world will choose to love their spouses more than themselves, more than their own pleasures and desires, and more, so much more, than porn.
That is my hope for all of us.
