It may surprise you to know that I have struggled with porn a lot in my past. The reason George’s porn addiction hurt me so much was because it shocked me. He knew everything about my past, yet we were married and expecting our child and I suddenly discovered something that made me believe I didn’t know him anymore. The lie cut the deepest and made me question everything that he ever told me.
So, from one sister to a brother or sister, I urge you to tell your spouse. Porn can be just as tempting for women as it is men. While writing my novel, Exposed, I had to step into the shoes of a porn star. In order to really bring life to that role I read a lot about the industry and in that process I read Jenna Jameson’s autobiography. Not easy, I tell you.
All sorts of negative thoughts spun through my mind. Pornographic dreams invaded my sleep. And yes, I even faced the temptation to watch porn. Strange, especially for someone writing against it. But that’s just the thing. The devil knows what he’s doing here. He wants to get anyone he can so tangled in the mess of porn that they cause division within their marriages and relationships. Because we all know the devil hates marriage and anything pure.
I hadn’t struggled with thoughts and temptations like this since before I met George, but writing a novel from the perspective of a porn star caused me to dive into the industry.
George’s issues were hard for me, but not so much for the porn. In a way, I’m glad it happened the way it happened because if he would have told me in the beginning of our relationship I don’t think I would have cared as much. Like I said, the lie is what messed me up. I didn’t think I could believe anything he said. And it resurfaced so many insecurities within myself.
So … as you can see … what I’m going to tell you is to be honest with your spouse. I know it’s not easy, but it sure is better than him finding out one day. Lust doesn’t just have to be porn. Talk to your spouse about it, be honest with each other, and set up boundaries for yourself.
I only use my computer (and my hubby as well) when we are sitting right next to each other. There’s no way either of us can look at anything crazy. Don’t go to Blockbuster. Seriously. Those movie boxes are little sticks in the fire of lust, don’t let satan throw them in. Many people don’t want to give things like this up, but I can’t express to you how desensitized 90% of us are to lust. You want to take steps to cool the fire as much as you can. Put more good and pure sexual thoughts IN and over time those corrupt thoughts will become less and less.
More than anything, be honest with your spouse and get on your knees. True change starts with a desire to rid this stuff. A true desire. Because a true desire will say, “God, rip this from me.” Instead of: “God, this is really hard, but I want it gone.” You have to be ready to say no. And you need God to change your heart so that this stuff is gross to you, not enjoyable. You may still have moments (as I do) that are strange temptations which don’t make sense to me anymore, but it won’t be the same. You will know the ugliness of porn and not want any part of it.
Every time you click on a porn site you are contributing to the fall of not only yourself and your marriage (and possibly your children), but also the people in the videos. I haven’t met one person who has come out of that industry and said, “I loved it.” Most of them are abused. Most of them are watching the clock as they get through a scene. Most of them feel like objects which are used for the pleasure of others, and not people with hearts that need to be cared for. They give in to these things and their lives fall apart.
So remember them as well. It’s much more difficult to contribute to porn (and every click does, even when it’s “free”) when you know exactly what you are contributing to. I’d recommend you read up on how many porn stars die per year from diseases, suicide, and related issues. It’s too much. One is too much!
Anyway! I hope all this helps you see that porn is BIG. This isn’t something we should keep hidden because then the devil gets his way. We need to be honest with each other, and we need to see the big picture. We need to see porn for what it really is. Our senses (in this culture) have been warped and lured into thinking certain things are attractive and desirable, but those very things will tear apart families, lives, and drive people to suicide. That devil, devil, devil! Set your mind on things above and learn more about the Truth that illuminates the shadows of porn. I trust that God will change your heart and renew your mind in ways you never thought possible. 
