It’s not always the seeds that are bad. It’s not always the soil. Sometimes our marriages are built with thriving little seeds and rich, earthy soil. But like any garden … when left untended … the seeds stop thriving and the soil is choked by weeds. At least 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. They end before the seeds begin to form roots. We start marriages off with tears and promises. We’re happy. In love. Of course there are some cases where the soil is bad from the start, but for many of us … the soil is perfect and the seeds are ready to be planted. We’re excited about our future.
For some of us the roots take a very long time to grow. For others, the roots start to grow immediately. But for 50% of us the roots don’t get very far. Most marriages stay on the surface and when the roots penetrate the heart of the soil everything begins to fall apart. We are raised in a culture that shies away from stability and commitment and fosters change, self-pleasure, and excitement. Most marriages end before they begin.
For some of us, though, the roots start to dig under the soil and form a rich foundation. But then something like porn pops up. An ugly weed from the past that we hoped had died. It comes back. The question is … what now?
Marriages thrive when we tend to them just as we should our own souls. We need to spend time cleaning out the weeds, pruning the bushes, and picking off the dead parts so the new parts can flourish. The problem is … not many of us want to put work into marriage. We want it to be easy. Or, we just want the pretty garden without the work. We’d rather hire a gardener or just put all the work on our spouse. Sometimes weeds from our own lives spring up in our marital garden and we don’t take responsibility for them. Instead, we blame them on our spouse. And the weed grows stronger and stronger, and another one pops up. We don’t have enough strength to fight it because the other weeds have already taken over the garden, so we just let it go.
Our beautiful marriage garden is left to rot in weeds because we don’t want to tend to it. The roots stop growing, commitment ceases, and we walk away and find a new garden, until that one is covered in weeds, then we find another, and another, and another. Always left unfulfilled. Always losing to the weeds. Never tending a thing. Simply wanted to be tended to.
If you desire a beautiful marriage … you need to be willing to take care of the garden. Keep the weeds of pride, selfishness, impurity, lust, greed, and envy far from the garden. When you see one spring up, yank the think out and throw it away. Don’t just prune the weed back, get rid of it completely. Do whatever you can to make sure it doesn’t come back. Don’t shy away from pruning your garden. Don’t be afraid to cut back branches when they start to reach into places they shouldn’t go. Don’t be afraid to pick off the dead stuff to gain the new stuff. Don’t be afraid of thorns pricking you as you tend to the rose bushes. And don’t spend your entire time weeding, pruning, and picking off dead parts. Make sure you enjoy the beauty of the garden, too.
Look at what God has done through His beautiful grace. The sun, with no help from you, continues to shine on your marriage garden. And the rain continues to provide a healthy drink of life with no help from you. But it’s so beautiful … through His grace your hands have played a part in the garden of your marriage. You’re still here. Now, it’s time to tend these beautiful flowers. Know the flowers from the weeds, the beauty from the trash, and keep your garden pure and full of life … so that all visitors are refreshed and renewed by the presence of your marriage, and not weighed down by the weeds.
We so often think our gardens should thrive with the sun and the rain, no effort on our parts. And sometimes they can, barely. But the most beautiful marriages are the ones that are carefully tended and loved. Please, do not neglect your marriage. Be as faithful to your marriage as the sun and rain. Never giving up, no matter how many weeds have taken over.
