I’ll never forget the weekend my wedding rings sat on the ledge in the kitchen. I took them off during a horrible fight where there were many, many curses coming from my mouth. George slept in the living room that night and I slept alone, weeping in our bedroom. Our bedroom. Ours. I still wanted to be us, but it never felt like he was fighting hard enough. I was in so much pain and working so hard to trust him again, but it seemed like he never told me the things I wanted him to tell me.
He feared my reaction. I feared his actions. We went through cycle after cycle of fearing each other and ended up sleeping alone with my wedding rings far from my finger, too far from my heart. Our marriage died.
A friend of mine who is going through this told me a few nights ago, “Our marriage is dead. It’s over. We’re done.”
I took her words seriously, but also knew they were only part true. Yes, their marriage has died, but it’s not over. Death never means the end. It feels unnatural to die, but death brings light and resurrection. This is why we named the workbook Resurrection.
Our marriage died and I can’t tell you how thankful I am for its death. We had a good marriage, even through lust. It was painful, but we still had good memories sprinkled throughout. The bad did not make the good mean any less (although I thought so at times). The good was still real. But without the death of our self-centered marriage we wouldn’t have made it through the fire. We were on two different paths headed to different destinations. Now, we’re on the same path. Resurrected. New. Complete. We fight for each other and with each other. We sometimes disagree and get annoyed, but we don’t fight. We know that it’s better to serve the other than to be served. We are willing to do whatever it takes to make the other person happy, even if it means being uncomfortable ourselves.
There is beauty in death. Close your eyes. Let your current painful marriage die. Pile the dirt on it and walk away, remembering the good and bad but preparing yourself for something better. Then, open your eyes and discover the beauty of a resurrected marriage. And fight, every day of your life, to keep your new marriage alive.
