Guest post by George Weis.
Dear Struggling Husband,
Chances are you are looking around this site because your life has been deeply affected by the sin of lust and the poison of pornography. You are looking for answers and help for you and your wife. You are here because you are seeking out hope for you and for the one you love. I am hear to tell you that your searching and prayers are not in vain.
I was once the slave of the sin of lust and I indulged in the fantasy world of pornography. I didn’t know it, but I was hooked on a drug and deceived by the father of lies. I thought that once I was married the problem would disappear, and that there would be no lasting affects to my mind, heart and marriage. Like many, I was wrong.
The addiction, although tempered, continued into the first year of my marriage. I hid it from my wife, because I was ashamed. On one level, I feared hearting her. On another level, I feared loosing her. Since I was deceived, I also easily dished out deception, as addicts do so easily.
But by the goodness of God, my sin was revealed to my wife. Why do I say that it was God’s goodness? It was because it would be the catalyst for great change to take place in my life and also in my wife’s life. But to do this, there would be pain, and an all out war waged on the powers of darkness that sought to destroy our marriage and our individual lives.
If you are like me, you never wanted to hurt anyone. At some point this stuff took root in you, but it was never what you would have wished for. And if you are like me and your wife reacted in pain and agony because of the betrayal … you are deeply grieved. You feel the sting of being the tool used to deeply wound the one person you love most in the world. You feel the distance that has been cut in the ground between you and your wife. Your heart is hurting, and you feel worthless … a failure.
I felt that way, and when it all came crashing down, the enemy of my soul redoubled his efforts to tear me down. “You can’t change!” he said. “You are a failure and you will never be a faithful man!” The accusations and lies were always being hurled at my mind. I was set up from the beginning to enter into sin and then once discovered, was accused and mocked and ridiculed. I felt as though I was close to my breaking point.
Everyday, I would come home to a hurting, doubting, suspecting, and sometimes angry wife. I loved her … I knew that to be true, but how could this ever be remedied? How could God bring us through this? I had faith that He could, but how? How could I change? How could I defeat the lies and torment of the enemy? How could my wife and marriage be healed?
The world had it’s own answers to these questions. They seemed to go right in line with the enemies lies. The world would try to lessen my fault. The world would try to make it seem as though everyone including me and my wife were overreacting. In some cases, the world’s system would have had us simply go on and engage in the perversion together. But the God of the universe had something different to say.
For as long as I remember dealing with lust and porn, I asked God for deliverance. But it wasn’t until this point in time when I finally understood that deliverance is only through obedience to God. “If you Love ME keep MY commandments…” What a novel idea. I began to seek obedience as a way of life. I also took up Paul’s advice to “Give thanks in all circumstances…” seeing this time as something that God could use for good.
When faced with the onslaught of accusations and lies by the enemy, I decided to worship the Triune God in the face of evil. Because, if ever there is something that the demonic powers hate, it is the worship, the adoration … the giving over of one’s self to the Holy God. It was the opposite result of what they wanted to achieve.
In regards to life in general, I found that my change would be through God’s very presence in my life … and it would be for God and not for my wife, although she would be a close second. Any lasting change must have behind it Divine power and be done for the will of God. It is His strength, our cooperation for His glory. I would also choose to believe what He said is true about me in His word. Even though I am a sinner, I am precious to Him, and He will not abandon me!
With my wife, I was committed to doing my best to be the ointment where once I was the knife. I would fight for her, and sometimes even battle the enemy that held her captive at times. Fear, pain, anger and all the lies that hit a woman’s heart and mind were all there. If I loved her, I would decide to hold fast even if it meant being hated at times. I had to be the hands of Jesus if I wanted to erase the damage done when I was the puppet of the devil. I took it upon myself to also pray for her protection and healing constantly. I prayed to be a part of that healing.
In all of this I failed many times. I never went back to porn, but I struggled to be every bit the man I could be in Christ. I said and did things that were wrong. I bet you have done or do the same. And when that happens, the enemy is right there to make you feel worthless and that everything is hopeless, and that God cannot bring you through. But my friend, it isn’t true.
Dear brother, I am telling you to hold fast now. Hold fast to love and devotion to God above all. You will fall and fail at times, but your Father in Heaven loves you. He desires to bring you up to be the man He created you to be. You are not hopeless, because the power of God is made perfect in weakness. You are able to conquer, because Christ conquered death, the grave and sin.
On your own power, you cannot and will not rise above this, but I assure you, in Jesus Christ you are more than a conqueror. In Christ, you are a victor. Now, take up the full armor of God. Put to use the gifts He gives you and stand even in battle to win for God, for wife … for life and for yourself and for the kingdom of God. I know that sounds dramatic, but isn’t this whole thing dramatic? It is, because it deals with the very core of our beings.
May God grant you the courage, the love, the faithfulness, the devotion and His own will to enable you to more fully enter into the life that is in Christ Jesus – in that life, you will find fullness and restoration that will be lasting.
