A lot of women email me and say that their husband’s (or boyfriend’s) tell them to shut up when they cry. I find that funny because it was the opposite with George and me. I was the angry one, he was the sad one. I’ll never forget the night we argued about all of this. I locked myself in the bathroom and wanted to die. He picked the lock, came in, and ended up sobbing on the floor. I kept telling him, “Shut up. You’re such a baby. What do you have to cry about anyway? I’m the one that’s hurt.” He ended up crying so hard that his nose bled. Hunched over the sink he held his nose and continued to cry. I walked out of the crimson-covered bathroom and went to bed. Annoyed. Very annoyed.
I hated his tears.
A lot of men hate their wives tears. Why?
When someone cries because of something you did it makes you realize you’re not perfect, you’ve got some flaws, and tears break down walls that we often want to keep up. I hated that George cried because I was mad, and I didn’t want to hug him and make up. I didn’t want to think about how unloving I was when he cried like that. I wanted to be loved. For men, I don’t think they like to see their wives in pain because it makes them feel like a failure and they’re not in the mood to deal with that right now. They also don’t want to be manipulated and controlled by her. They just want to live and stop thinking about all this porn/lust stuff. They want to move on. Her tears make it hard to do that.
Crying is okay. It’s our responses to tears that need to change. If we are the ones crying we shouldn’t seek to be consoled by our spouse, we should seek rest in God. We shouldn’t use our tears as manipulation. We shouldn’t use them to make him see how hurt we are. We should cry when we feel it, and don’t cry when we don’t feel it. When the person you love is crying, instead of keeping the walls up and getting angry, hug her/him. It’s humbling. But it starts to break down walls, instead of keeping them up so high.
Tears have the strength of hail. They can break down those walls. Let the tears come when they want to and if you find yourself frustrated because she/he is crying … love through your own pain and get rid of the anger.
