I hate labels, but something about ex-porn producer grips my heart when I link it to Donny Pauling‘s name. There is a part of me that loves to link him with this label, because I am amazed by the heart this man has. If you would meet him in line at the grocery store you would never know he produced porn for nine years of his life. In fact, if you’re anything like me, you’d need some sort of proof to believe it.
Donny is an ex-porn producer, yes, we’ve got that down. But he’s so much more than that. Even during those nine years of producing pornography … he was so much more than what he did. I think you can see that in the interview below. The first time he held his baby he was simultaneously producing porn behind his wife’s back. But you will see in the below text … he still had a heart.
As people who are hurt by porn in our marriages or lives we often like to play the victim. And by playing the victim … we pin people like Donny as an enemy. But the real enemy is the devil. It may be hard to imagine, but Donny was a victim too.
One thing I love about his story is that God snatched him away from porn and turned his life around. If there is any hope for porn addicts, hurting wives, struggling porn stars, and other porn producers still trapped in porn … it’s in this man’s story, in his heart. His story embodies hope to me. And it proves that the devil can tempt us, take us down dark roads, and make us think we are on top of the world … but there is a way out. There is a light path — a path filled with true love and joy and life.
Like Donny, we can overcome porn and make a difference in this world.
For this interview I didn’t want to focus on his past. We all have a past. In fact, you have a chance right now to make the present moment different from your past. The past is over. We know what Donny did (and if you want to learn more you can visit his site), but I want to show you who Donny IS — that he’s not very different from you or me. In fact, he actually seems a lot sweeter than me. 
So, here he is:
You sit down on a couch and someone presses play. A film starts. It’s the film of your life. It plays from beginning to now. How do you feel?
I feel alright. I don’t hold onto any guilt. Sometimes people read my blog articles and think I’m still beating myself up with guilt. I’m not. I talk about the things I’ve done bluntly, but I’m at peace with having been forgiven. God gives us this big present, gift wrapped with a pretty bow… it’s called grace. When we can’t forgive ourselves we’re telling Him his present isn’t good enough. That being said, I’ve learned to thank Him for that present more and more all the time, and guilt has very little power in my life anymore.
That’s a beautiful answer. It’s so amazing how God has taken away that guilt, given you a new beginning, and that you’ve chosen to take it and not hold onto that guilt. Anyway, moving on … what do you hope the rest of the film looks like?
I’d like to see my son on the film saying, “My dad always took time for me… I never felt as if he made others more important. I love the way he made Bible stories interesting. I love the way he made everything more colorful. I love the way he loved me.”
I’d like to hear people continue to say that witnessing what God’s done in my life has helped free them from their own struggles… maybe helped remove fantasy and replace it with reality, particularly in porn areas.
I’d like to sow into people in a lot of different ways, not just porn. I also want to reach out to those who have been turned off to God. And to those who can’t get into reading the Bible. I’ve been at both of those places. Now I’ve finally realized that God and those who claim to represent Him are not the same – that He is a perfect, loving father. And I’ve found an intense love of studying the Bible. Watching my Pastor, Dr. Bill Giovannetti, love the Bible has changed my life, ’cause I tried to figure out why such an intelligent man loved scripture. I found out. This would be a good time to mention Logos 4 software – it has really added so much color to the Bible for me. Learning context, culture, what scripture meant to those who wrote it and those to whom it was written… it’s better than any movie. And I’m not just being “Christian cliché” when I say that… I’m a guy who once told my pastor that I thought the Bible was incredibly boring, childishly and poorly written.
When your head is resting on your pillow tonight, what will you think of?
I’ll first think, “Mister Moose, give me more space here. This is a King Sized bed and I need more than a foot and a half on the edge while a Mastiff gets the rest! That’s just not how it’s gonna be, Mister! Scoot over!”
Then I’ll think of my son, as I do every night. I’ll smile at something cute my boy has said or done. But it won’t be long before I’ll wonder if the backs of my eyelids leak, so I’ll check to find out. Once I lay down, it’s hard for me to stay awake for long. :)
So, basically you’re saying you take Benadryl every night? Haha. Just kidding. George actually has the same blessing. He hits the pillow and off he goes. I, on the other hand, lay there for what seems like an hour as my brain drifts in 847 different directions. Anyway! Enough about that. If you could give a speech to the entire world and every ear listened, what would you say?
I’d apologize to those that may have been hurt by religion. I’d ask people not to confuse Christians with God… ’cause God and those who claim to represent Him aren’t the same. I’d want people to realize there is nothing they could ever do that would change the fact that He loves them… that everything He asks of us is motivated with our best interests in mind, not to take away our fun or send us to hell. He gives us free will but hopes we’ll use it to trust Him.
Then I’d tell them that if they didn’t send 10 dollars each time God told me he was going to take me home, and that the whole world would explode if that happened – hee hee (ya know I’m kidding about that part, right?)
I love that even though your present is so consumed with speaking and talking about the truth of the porn industry, these answers don’t revolve around that. Your heart runs so much deeper than that. And you obviously love your Daddy in heaven. Speaking of daddy’s … describe how it felt to hold your son in your arms for the first time.
That is always going to be clear as the day it happened. Wendy had a C-section, so I watched him be lifted from within her. He started peeing into her stomach on the way out and the docs started flushing her insides with water, while I followed the nurse over to this little table thing to keep him warm while they cleaned him up. Then they wrapped him up like a burrito and handed him to me. I was in scrubs and only my eyes showed. I carried him to another room, showing him to my mom along the way. She later told me about the nice nurse who showed her grandson to her. I had to convince her it was me. I’d said nothing. I was just speechless. He was so amazing.
The pic to above was taken less than an hour after he was born (my mom is looking through the glass in the background). I just stood there staring at him. Talking to him soothingly. Welcoming him to the world. He stared at me back a few times. I could tell he knew my voice. Caden was planned, and all through Wendy’s pregnancy she took amazing care of herself. We couldn’t wait to see him. I was honestly very happy to get time with him first – she was in recovery from the C-Section. I even changed his first diapers, and had my hands covered in meconium from that very first one, but I didn’t care. That’s saying a lot, ’cause up to that point I had a pretty weak stomach for things like that. After Caden, I could wipe snot with my hands and not feel queasy. I loved smelling like baby puke. I loved calming him with my voice. When he’d be upset, I’d hold him close and whisper in his ear. He’d calm down, and it was as if listening to what I was saying.
It’s impossible to know how much one person can love another until holding your child in your arms.
If someone asked you to explain love, someone who had never been in love before, what would you say?
I’d start off by saying, “Sucks to be you.” Then I’d make an attempt to put into words what it feels like to be warmed on the inside the same way the sun warms a person on the outside. I’d see if I could put into words what it feels like to float like a hot air balloon without leaving the ground…. and how it feels to be full of smiles no matter what’s going on in life.
What is your biggest weakness?
Sushi. I’m eating low carb lately, but sushi derails me every time. I can’t get enough. If I let myself get too hungry I’ll head right over to Yama Sushi here in town and order at least 10 trays.
Denying Caden anything whatsoever is also a weakness of mine. That would turn some kids into spoiled brats, but Caden’s just not. I’ve never once raised my voice to him in his entire life. There’s never been a need. He makes it easy to spoil him, and I have to reign that in…
When is the last time you cried?
A few days ago. I cry easily. Movies, songs, thoughts… I think crying is a great gift. God created us with these emotions. Pushing them out of the way or being “too tough” to enjoy them is a shame. A person who can’t… FEEL… has been robbed.
I love that you’re not afraid to be emotional. So many men in this world are all about being tough. Thanks for being real! Moving on, moving on … If you found out you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
Spend all day with Caden. Wrestling. Skipping rocks. Laughing. I’d call selected friends and family members and tell them goodbye, but briefly. I think they’d understand and know I’d be annoyed with them if they tried talking to me for too long, ’cause I’d want to spend every spare moment with my boy.
What would you say to your son if you only had one more hour with him?
I’d tell him that even though he’s only 10 I already know he’s an amazing man of God. I’d tell him to never stop loving his mommy as much as he does now. I’d tell him that I’m confident all will be well. Then we’d stop all the heavy talk and have swordfights, wrestling matches, and rock skipping contests. I’d bite his ears and tickle him until he couldn’t laugh anymore.
You finally see Jesus. Face to face. Do you fall on your knees? Laugh? Smile? Cry? What do you do?
I’d stick out my hand to shake his. Give him a big hug. Tell him thanks for sticking with me. Ask him if he’d mind sitting for a cup of coffee for awhile. Tell him how awesome it was when I finally saw him as someone with which to have a relationship, rather than someone looking for any excuse to send me to hell. Ask him to take his time before bringing the rest of those I love to this same meeting.
What do you hope is said of you at your funeral?
“He sure did love his son, and demonstrated to Him what it looks like to love God. I know he’d be proud no matter what Caden does in the future.” (Are we seeing a pattern here?)
Wait a minute? Do you love your son? I had a hard time figuring that out throughout this interview. Haha. He is truly blessed. Thanks so much for opening up your heart to us, Donny. For those of you who are reading this … I am a huge fan of giving, giving, giving money. (“When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.” John Wesley.) And there is a great opportunity for you to give right now to something that has obviously affected you (or piqued your interest since you are reading this).Please check out this link to sponsor Donny by donating to help ministries that will help people affected by pornography. (Read more by visiting the link.) I hope you consider donating at least one dollar. We will match every dollar up to the first $100, giving Donny another $200 to reach his goal. Also, we are offering a chance to win a free Blogger design (or 50% off any other design package) by Tekeme Studios to a random winner. Two runners up will also receive a free gift card of your choice to Amazon, Starbucks, or Target. We will draw names from a hat filled with every persons name who donates before April 1, 2010. Please check this blog for the winners. They will be posted on April 2, 2010.
Make sure to email Tekeme Studios your receipt to show proof of your donation, so we can match it and enter you into the contest.
