A letter from a wife:
Thanks, Ashley, for that heart-felt response. By the time I finished reading it, I was in tears. I can’t express how it feels to finally communicate with someone who went through the same hell. I have to share with you how the rest of my evening went last night.
My husband and I avoided each other like the plague for the majority of the evening. After the kids were put to bed, I sat alone in our living room trying to hear from God. I totally didn’t know what to do. All day, I’d been telling myself that this was the final straw. After he told me on the phone earlier in the day that I was partially to blame for his problem (by “creating situations that cause me to be tempted”), I knew he had crossed the line. I was convinced I had to separate myself from him. But as I sat in the dark last night, I felt an overwhelming need to just talk to him…about what, I didn’t know exactly. I wasn’t sure I could compose myself enough to talk to him, but I knew I needed to try.
It began a little rough…he was defensive and still held the position that if I would change some things about me, then that would help him in his struggles with porn. Of course, I told him right away that I wasn’t going to accept any blame whatsoever for this particular problem. I told him that I don’t trust him and, frankly, I’d been questioning whether or not I even love him anymore.
We talked for three hours. Over the course of that conversation, I learned that he had called a counselor and the cable company yesterday. He didn’t totally ax our cable, but he did get rid of a lot of questionable channels that we never should have had to begin with. He agreed to call our internet provider today. I told him that he has to prove to me he’s committed to the discipline it will take to beat this addiction and that I would accept nothing less.
After we talked, he said there was a video he wanted to watch before he went to bed and that I could watch it with him, if I wanted to. Assuming it had something to do with politics, I decided to just go to sleep instead. Much to my surprise, the video he watched was from the I AM SECOND website – a man named Nate Larkin sharing his testimony about his sex addiction. Needless to say, I ended up watching with him. This is such a powerful testimony and I’m so thankful that he found it himself. Not only did he watch it once, he went back to hear certain snip-its over and over again. I think it really touched him in a huge way.
I couldn’t help but thank God for what He was doing in that room and with this whole situation. I couldn’t help but think that perhaps the last ten plus years of struggle with this man’s porn addiction and all the pain it has caused me was for a greater purpose. Just to see everything unfold the way it did was remarkable, to say the least. I’ve always felt inclined to stay with him, even though I felt like running. Now I know. God was telling me to stay because of what happened last night, and what will happen in the future. I feel strongly that He’s going to do big things with this situation. I can just feel it.
I’m not 100% sold on my husband’s sincerity, but I’m encouraged. I’ll be watching closely. I’ll be praying hard.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. It felt a little strange writing about this to a complete stranger, but somehow, it seemed like the right thing to do.
