Often a husband will say, “I’m sorry,” with true regret, maybe even with tears drenching his collar. He will look at his wife and express this deep sorrow and desire to change. The next morning he’ll embark on this change and fail. Why?
He has a sorrow of the world. His sorrow is filled with regret that’s centered on himself. He’s sorry he got caught. Sorry his life is in a crazy state. Sorry that he’s making life more difficult for himself. Sorry that he has to come home to an angry wife because he messed up again. He’s sorry for himself. That’s why there’s nothing changing.
In 2 Corinthians 7:9-11 Paul talks about this sorrow verses a true, godly sorrow. Feeling sorry doesn’t cut it. Real sorrow mourns the sin and the effects of the sin on others, not just self. Godly sorrow brings forth repentance and diligence, an effort to change, to be free of the sin. The sorrow of the world stops with self and a feeling of sorrow. True sorrow doesn’t end with a feeling … true sorrow is the propeller of an action: repentance. And repentance propels diligence to clear the sin, to desire holiness, to desire to mourn the sin of this world and pursue things of God.
It’s not just men who are guilty of this kind of sorrow of the world. We women do it as well. We do it when we feel sorry for ourselves so much that we refuse to forgive and allow our husband’s room to grow. We do it when we get angry or self-centered or jealous and refuse to recognize our own sin. We might blow up at our husband’s and feel sorry. We might distance ourselves from him and feel sorry. But true sorrow will not only feel bad. it will seek repentance because it so desires reconciliation and holiness.
So much of this journey through porn and healing seems so difficult, so impossible. Maybe that’s because we can only do it with God’s strength, otherwise we’d end up proud of ourselves for defeating it and it would only lead to more pride. We need to turn to God and seek Him. Seek holiness more than comforts in this world. Men need to desire God and holiness more than they desire self-pleasures. Women need to desire God and holiness more than they desire to please the eyes of men (and themselves). There’s so much more to life than porn and physical beauty. If we were all blind maybe we’d realize this. Real beauty isn’t about what we see … it’s not even about what we feel or taste or hear. It’s beyond the sensual and in the spiritual.
Spiritual beauty and holiness is what we should all be after. And if this is our aim than true sorrow will be the only sorrow we experience, because our desires will be set on repentance and holiness, something that cannot be attained through the sorrow of the world. So turn your sorry into godly sorrow, both of you, and encourage each other toward holiness, light, and real beauty. Seek God and you will find Him. When you sin turn your face toward Him and repent so that you may be washed clean. It’s only through the blood of the Lamb that you can be washed clean. Seek Him and find life.
