Does Being Selfless Mean I Let Him Look at Porn?

That is a loving, careful response, Ashley… because yes, this is a touchy spot this wife is in.

In my opinion, they may (?) be in the very first baby steps of wakeful-ness and healing, and it may be that it falls to the wife to assist her husband in Godliness. It may take a long, long time. Dear letter-writer, I will say this: what your husband is saying sounds very familiar to me, and probably many of the men & women who read this blog. My own husband used to say the same exact things. Until God gracefully opened his eyes to the extent of harm porn causes, even `a little` porn, even `soft` porn. In my own opinion, your husband is still in a bit of denial concerning this. But yes, that is my opinion, and I do realize there is a whole world out there of what constitutes `normal` for some couples. But always, always, anything you two partake in should be mutually accepted. I feel if one partner is uncomfortable with it, then the other should try to understand.

Good luck to you, my prayers are with you. Listen to Ashley… her voice of experience holds much wisdom for you to draw from! =)

I think the Bible is very clear about pornography even though the word “pornography” is never used. Please read this:
http://carm.org/pornography
Furthermore, I would ask any Christian man suggesting usage of the material what pornography has to do with the New Covenant and how usage of it within marriage is “presenting your wife, holy and blameless, purified through the scripture”?

Uh, husbands are clearly commanded to love their wives as Christ loved His Bride (the Church), and uh, I don’t see Christ standing at the foot of the cross and demanding us to meet any demands so impure or selfish before He died for any of us. Furthermore, look at Song of Solomon. . . Solomon did not make such demands of the Shulammite either. (And that particular Bible book definitely has something to do with illustrating the New Covenant – Christ’s love for His Bride. It’s tender, and Solomon loves his bride unconditionally despite her imperfections.)

Marriage is not bondage, but the way of sin is. Pornography is bondage not only to the woman suffering in silence the man engaged with it. . . but it is also bondage to the man. There are no degrees of pornography: it either is porn or it isn’t.

I will not be timid in replying to this. At times like this when our world is bleeding out to a pornographic culture, bandaids will not work, Ashley. Tourniquets are needed. Drastically. Caulderization might be good too. . . We must take a stand instead of standing in the grey areas.