Our husband’s are broken ladders, but so often we try to climb them to a place of joy. And so often, they fail us. A rung will break or be missing and we will fall. Sometimes we can get pretty high up the ladder, but eventually the ladder will fail us. It is inevitable. Because the ladder is broken. It’s not meant to be used by others, only God can use this ladder even amidst its brokenness. God is the only one who can use the broken.
We can’t. The more we try to climb up a broken ladder to find joy, the more disappointed we will end up. Every human on this earth will let you down. Daddy will never love you like you need, your husband will never love you like you need, your kids won’t, your friends won’t—no person on earth ever will. We’re all broken ladders. We can help people get a little closer to God (when God uses us), but we cannot be the source of someone’s joy, only a vessel to point them to their true Joy.
This is said over and over again by so many people. God is the only one who can fill your ever need. He is the only one you need. But it seems to take so long to sink in. We know the truth, but we continue to climb broken ladders. Over and over. Like complete fools. We could step off of the broken ladders and discover the beauty of God’s elevator to Joy, but instead … we want, so badly, to climb the broken ladders. Sometimes we want our husband’s ladder to work so much that we try to spend our days and nights fixing the ladder.
If he would just do XYZ. If I just remind him to do XYZ. If I help him out. If I pray for him. If I do this, maybe he’ll do that. Maybe I can fix the broken rungs and replace the missing ones. Maybe I can make this ladder work and finally, finally, finally I will find the joy I’m looking for.
Ain’t gonna happen. You can fix up the ladder, make it shine, but eventually it will break again. It’s time to stop using our spouses to find something only God can give. It’s time to stop expecting things from our spouses, to stop wanting to “fix” them for our own pleasure, and to stop needing them to love us in order to be joyful.
When I got upset with George to the point of depression … I was really getting upset with the broken ladder, not George. My perspective was off. I wanted the ladder to be something it wasn’t, and in my false hope, I became more and more depressed. I wanted the ladder to please me in all the right ways, and when it failed, I grew more and more frustrated. It wasn’t until I stepped away from the ladder and found God’s Joy that I realized how beautiful marriage can be.
When we stop trying to use each other as ladder’s to personal joy and fulfillment, we will realize that God’s Joy is sufficient for us. That He is all we need. And that His love can help us love other broken ladders as though they are God’s beautiful creations. When we stop needing others to act a certain way in order for us to love, be faithful, steadfast, humble, and yes, joyful, we will find true contentment.
The beauty of true contentment is that it can remain bright even when beaten and nailed to a cross. It doesn’t give up on others when others give up on it. Love perseveres because of contentment, because it needs no one’s love except God’s. Every other ounce of love found on earth is a gift, a blessing to not be taken for granted, and never something deserved. Love is a gift. It’s a gift given to us and a gift we can give to others when we stop needing others and start loving them regardless of how horrible they make us feel.
We need to need less from others and expect more of ourselves. More love when it hurts. More faithfulness when betrayed. More gentleness during a storm. More giving instead of receiving. We need more God in our lives and relationships, and less of ourselves. He is the answer. The only answer to every problem. Turn to Him. And find the freedom to be content no matter the circumstance.
