The Industry Archive

Most girls enter the sex industry because it seems appealing. It pays a lot of money in a short amount of time. Some single mothers need money and feel like they have no other option to care for their children. College-age girls need finances for school, or a way to make quick cash. There are countless other reasons girls are lured by the money, but like Stephanie (a former stripper) said to me, “The money will hook you in and keep you there until you bleed.”

Add “glamour” and attention on top of the money and some girls will fall without question. You can’t turn on your TV without seeing a half-naked woman. Everything but little blurred circles for private parts are seen on MTV. So why would any girl who doesn’t know God’s love feel ashamed of flaunting her body, too? She’ll have a make-up artist, a hair stylist, provocative photo shoots, and tons of men wanting her. Seems appealing, so they go for it.

Then, like so many porn stars, they realize porn isn’t as glamorous as they thought it would be. They get punched and beaten. Producers force them to remain in uncomfortable positions for long periods of time while they take pictures. Many porn stars contract diseases like Gonorrhea and Chlamydia more frequently than we get a common cold. Shelley Lubben hid her tears in a towel tossed her way to wipe her face after a scene. Some porn stars can’t have children, and some have multiple abortions. They are an object of man’s lust, not a man’s heart. An object of depravity, instead of the life-giving beauty they were created to provide the world.

It’s easy to be upset with porn stars or jealous of porn stars when our husband’s and boyfriend’s constantly choose them over us, but what our husband’s (and we) don’t realize is that porn star’s are often hurting more than our marriages. Some girls involved with the sex industry may hide their pain, just like some wives hide behind masks like all men do it … I’m confident and the stuff he looks at doesn’t threaten me … I watch it with him, and it’s not that bad. Porn stars, strippers, normal teenage girls who wear inappropriate clothing … they’re hiding and they’re hurting behind walls of stone.

They want to be loved. Just like us.

We want our husband’s to cherish us. They want a husband — or someone — to cherish them. So, what do we do? What do they do?

We do whatever we can to get the attention we crave … or … we hide. And while we are crying ourselves to sleep because our husband’s our masturbating to other women, many of those same porn stars are holding back tears as they are forced to do another degrading scene. There were many times in my marriage that I believed I’d only be able to keep my husband’s attention if I acted like a porn star. Maybe then he’d really love me, I thought. Love me enough to not look elsewhere. But that’s not true. Porn stars aren’t loved. They want to be. But they are used, craved like a drug, then tossed aside for someone else, some other high.

I think too many women in this world try to deny the fact that they want love. They stop believing in soul-mates. They stop believing in true love. But I can’t help but believe in true love and that the heart of a woman beats with passion for this kind of love (whether in marriage or friendship). Me, you, and even the porn stars so many men glue their eyes to … I truly believe we all want real, deep love. We don’t want to be drooled over. Sure, there may be a part of every woman that wants to be lusted over, but that’s not our hearts. Just like the heart of a man doesn’t want to lust over woman after woman.

We all want to love and be loved.

Sometimes we just lose the light in our eyes, like so many girls and women who get lured into the sex industry. The world tells us we want to spend our lives being an object, beautified, and lusted over. It tells us we aren’t beautiful enough, kind enough, good enough. The lies spin around the hearts of our men, making them believe lust is no big deal, making them want that high so much they can’t help but click their mouse to the next lustful image. But truth tells us the opposite.

We, women, want to be loved, cherished, and valued for all we are worth. We don’t want to be tossed aside. That light in our eyes — in her eyes? It should burn bright. So bright that a man can’t help but realize the worth of every woman. So bright that we could never let ourselves become an object of lust. We should know our worth. Wives, you should know your worth. You should also know the worth of a porn star. She’s worth as much as you, me, and every other person in this world.

We’re all precious in God’s sight. And we’re all victims of porn. We can’t blame porn stars or even our husband’s for what is going on here, for the destruction in our marriages and the pain in our eyes. We have to blame the devil and his evil ways. He knows what he’s doing.

Let’s stop allowing him to dim the lights in our eyes, in the eyes of those in the industry, and in the eyes of our fantasy-driven men.

Prayer.

You may not think it works, but it can change this cycle. So can our hearts … if we allow them to change. If we allow God to show us this industry for what it really is. If we allow ourselves to truly believe we are not the only victims. And if our wonderful men in this world can do the same — get some eye drops for lust, clear their visions, and stand up against the power this industry has over so many hearts and lives.

This is a fight. So, let’s fight.

I hate labels, but something about ex-porn producer grips my heart when I link it to Donny Pauling‘s name. There is a part of me that loves to link him with this label, because I am amazed by the heart this man has. If you would meet him in line at the grocery store you would never know he produced porn for nine years of his life. In fact, if you’re anything like me, you’d need some sort of proof to believe it. 

Donny is an ex-porn producer, yes, we’ve got that down. But he’s so much more than that. Even during those nine years of producing pornography … he was so much more than what he did. I think you can see that in the interview below. The first time he held his baby he was simultaneously producing porn behind his wife’s back. But you will see in the below text … he still had a heart.  

As people who are hurt by porn in our marriages or lives we often like to play the victim. And by playing the victim … we pin people like Donny as an enemy. But the real enemy is the devil. It may be hard to imagine, but Donny was a victim too. 

One thing I love about his story is that God snatched him away from porn and turned his life around. If there is any hope for porn addicts, hurting wives, struggling porn stars, and other porn producers still trapped in porn … it’s in this man’s story, in his heart. His story embodies hope to me. And it proves that the devil can tempt us, take us down dark roads, and make us think we are on top of the world … but there is a way out. There is a light path — a path filled with true love and joy and life. 

Like Donny, we can overcome porn and make a difference in this world. 

For this interview I didn’t want to focus on his past. We all have a past. In fact, you have a chance right now to make the present moment different from your past. The past is over. We know what Donny did (and if you want to learn more you can visit his site), but I want to show you who Donny IS — that he’s not very different from you or me. In fact, he actually seems a lot sweeter than me.  

So, here he is:

You sit down on a couch and someone presses play. A film starts. It’s the film of your life. It plays from beginning to now. How do you feel?
I feel alright.  I don’t hold onto any guilt.  Sometimes people read my blog articles and think I’m still beating myself up with guilt.  I’m not.  I talk about the things I’ve done bluntly, but I’m at peace with having been forgiven. God gives us this big present, gift wrapped with a pretty bow… it’s called grace. When we can’t forgive ourselves we’re telling Him his present isn’t good enough.  That being said, I’ve learned to thank Him for that present more and more all the time, and guilt has very little power in my life anymore.

That’s a beautiful answer. It’s so amazing how God has taken away that guilt, given you a new beginning, and that you’ve chosen to take it and not hold onto that guilt. Anyway, moving on … what do you hope the rest of the film looks like?
I’d like to see my son on the film saying, “My dad always took time for me… I never felt as if he made others more important.  I love the way he made Bible stories interesting.  I love the way he made everything more colorful.  I love the way he loved me.”

I’d like to hear people continue to say that witnessing what God’s done in my life has helped free them from their own struggles… maybe helped remove fantasy and replace it with reality, particularly in porn areas.

I’d like to sow into people in a lot of different ways, not just porn.  I also want to reach out to those who have been turned off to God.  And to those who can’t get into reading the Bible.  I’ve been at both of those places.  Now I’ve finally realized that God and those who claim to represent Him are not the same – that He is a perfect, loving father.  And I’ve found an intense love of studying the Bible.  Watching my Pastor, Dr. Bill Giovannetti, love the Bible has changed my life, ’cause I tried to figure out why such an intelligent man loved scripture.  I found out.  This would be a good time to mention Logos 4 software – it has really added so much color to the Bible for me.  Learning context, culture, what scripture meant to those who wrote it and those to whom it was written… it’s better than any movie.  And I’m not just being “Christian cliché” when I say that… I’m a guy who once told my pastor that I thought the Bible was incredibly boring, childishly and poorly written.

When your head is resting on your pillow tonight, what will you think of?
I’ll first think, “Mister Moose, give me more space here.  This is a King Sized bed and I need more than a foot and a half on the edge while a Mastiff gets the rest! That’s just not how it’s gonna be, Mister!  Scoot over!”

Then I’ll think of my son, as I do every night.  I’ll smile at something cute my boy has said or done. But it won’t be long before I’ll wonder if the backs of my eyelids leak, so I’ll check to find out.  Once I lay down, it’s hard for me to stay awake for long.  :)

So, basically you’re saying you take Benadryl every night? Haha. Just kidding. George actually has the same blessing. He hits the pillow and off he goes. I, on the other hand, lay there for what seems like an hour as my brain drifts in 847 different directions. Anyway! Enough about that. If you could give a speech to the entire world and every ear listened, what would you say?
I’d apologize to those that may have been hurt by religion.  I’d ask people not to confuse Christians with God… ’cause God and those who claim to represent Him aren’t the same.  I’d want people to realize there is nothing they could ever do that would change the fact that He loves them… that everything He asks of us is motivated with our best interests in mind, not to take away our fun or send us to hell.  He gives us free will but hopes we’ll use it to trust Him.

Then I’d tell them that if they didn’t send 10 dollars each time God told me he was going to take me home, and that the whole world would explode if that happened – hee hee  (ya know I’m kidding about that part, right?)

I love that even though your present is so consumed with speaking and talking about the truth of the porn industry, these answers don’t revolve around that. Your heart runs so much deeper than that. And you obviously love your Daddy in heaven. Speaking of daddy’s … describe how it felt to hold your son in your arms for the first time.
That is always going to be clear as the day it happened.  Wendy had a C-section, so I watched him be lifted from within her.  He started peeing into her stomach on the way out and the docs started flushing her insides with water, while I followed the nurse over to this little table thing to keep him warm while they cleaned him up.  Then they wrapped him up like a burrito and handed him to me.  I was in scrubs and only my eyes showed.  I carried him to another room, showing him to my mom along the way.  She later told me about the nice nurse who showed her grandson to her.  I had to convince her it was me.  I’d said nothing.  I was just speechless.  He was so amazing.

The pic to above was taken less than an hour after he was born (my mom is looking through the glass in the background).  I just stood there staring at him.  Talking to him soothingly.  Welcoming him to the world.  He stared at me back a few times.  I could tell he knew my voice.  Caden was planned, and all through Wendy’s pregnancy she took amazing care of herself.   We couldn’t wait to see him.  I was honestly very happy to get time with him first – she was in recovery from the C-Section.  I even changed his first diapers, and had my hands covered in meconium from that very first one, but I didn’t care.  That’s saying a lot, ’cause up to that point I had a pretty weak stomach for things like that.  After Caden, I could wipe snot with my hands and not feel queasy.  I loved smelling like baby puke.    I loved calming him with my voice.   When he’d be upset, I’d hold him close and whisper in his ear.  He’d calm down, and it was as if listening to what I was saying.

It’s impossible to know how much one person can love another until holding your child in your arms.

If someone asked you to explain love, someone who had never been in love before, what would you say?
I’d start off by saying, “Sucks to be you.”   Then I’d make an attempt to put into words what it feels like to be warmed on the inside the same way the sun warms a person on the outside.  I’d see if I could put into words what it feels like to float like a hot air balloon without leaving the ground…. and how it feels to be full of smiles no matter what’s going on in life.

What is your biggest weakness?
Sushi. I’m eating low carb lately, but sushi derails me every time.   I can’t get enough.  If I let myself get too hungry I’ll head right over to Yama Sushi here in town and order at least 10 trays.

Denying  Caden anything whatsoever is also a weakness of mine.   That would turn some kids into spoiled brats, but Caden’s just not.  I’ve never once raised my voice to him in his entire life.  There’s never been a need.   He makes it easy to spoil him, and I have to reign that in…

When is the last time you cried?
A few days ago.  I cry easily.  Movies, songs, thoughts… I think crying is a great gift.  God created us with these emotions.  Pushing them out of the way or being “too tough” to enjoy them is a shame.  A person who can’t… FEEL… has been robbed.

I love that you’re not afraid to be emotional. So many men in this world are all about being tough. Thanks for being real! Moving on, moving on … If you found out you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
Spend all day with Caden.  Wrestling.  Skipping rocks.  Laughing.  I’d call selected friends and family members and tell them goodbye, but briefly.   I think they’d understand and know I’d be annoyed with them if they tried talking to me for too long, ’cause I’d want to spend every spare moment with my boy.

What would you say to your son if you only had one more hour with him?
I’d tell him that even though he’s only 10 I already know he’s an amazing man of God.  I’d tell him to never stop loving his mommy as much as he does now.  I’d tell him that I’m confident all will be well.  Then we’d stop all the heavy talk and have swordfights, wrestling matches, and rock skipping contests.  I’d bite his ears and tickle him until he couldn’t laugh anymore.

You finally see Jesus. Face to face. Do you fall on your knees? Laugh? Smile? Cry? What do you do?
I’d stick out my hand to shake his.  Give him a big hug.  Tell him thanks for sticking with me.   Ask him if he’d mind sitting for a cup of coffee for awhile.  Tell him how awesome it was when I finally saw him as someone with which to have a relationship, rather than someone looking for any excuse to send me to hell. Ask him to take his time before bringing the rest of those I love to this same meeting.

What do you hope is said of you at your funeral?
“He sure did love his son, and demonstrated to Him what it looks like to love God. I know he’d be proud no matter what Caden does in the future.” (Are we seeing a pattern here?)

Wait a minute? Do you love your son? I had a hard time figuring that out throughout this interview. Haha. He is truly blessed. Thanks so much for opening up your heart to us, Donny. For those of you who are reading this … I am a huge fan of giving, giving, giving money. (“When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.” John Wesley.) And there is a great opportunity for you to give right now to something that has obviously affected you (or piqued your interest since you are reading this).

Please check out this link to sponsor Donny by donating to help ministries that will help people affected by pornography. (Read more by visiting the link.) I hope you consider donating at least one dollar. We will match every dollar up to the first $100, giving Donny another $200 to reach his goal. Also, we are offering a chance to win a free Blogger design (or 50% off any other design package) by Tekeme Studios to a random winner. Two runners up will also receive a free gift card of your choice to Amazon, Starbucks, or Target. We will draw names from a hat filled with every persons name who donates before April 1, 2010. Please check this blog for the winners. They will be posted on April 2, 2010.

Make sure to email Tekeme Studios your receipt to show proof of your donation, so we can match it and enter you into the contest.

An ex-porn actresses story: 

Before I ever did this stuff I was an average girl. I was definitely a little different in some ways but for the most part I was pretty average. Well, I’ve made some pretty poor choices in my life. I take full responsibility for each one. I’ve seen a side of the world that nobody would want to see. It’s evil, dark and very manipulative.
 
People in the porn industry are numb to real life and are like zombies walking around doing what they have become so accustomed to. It’s really sad. It’s really painful to see. You have no idea how badly their feelings have been hurt. The abuse that goes on in this industry is completely ridiculous. The way these young ladies are treated is totally sick and brainwashing. I left due to the trauma I experienced even through that short time. The industry forgets that these little girls are human and no human on earth deserves to be abused such as they are.

I just really wanted to justify myself to those who have no idea what goes on in the porn industry or inside the minds of these young jaded girls. Most of us didn’t dream of becoming porn stars, we some how fell into it. Some of us believed once you’re in, there is no way out. WRONG. I got out. I will never go back! What does not kill me will make me stronger. God will never let me down, even during the worst of times.

I am so thankful to have been brought back to God through all this. My one and only God! He feels the void inside my heart and the empty space deep inside my soul with unfailing love and never ending mercy. He is the one and only solution to our lives. I am grateful for each and every single day because I have Jesus Christ by my side. He has given me so much hope and I am more than 110% positive that through Jesus Christ all things are possible!
When it comes to life, its how you handle the circumstances you’ve been put under and what you choose to do about it that makes you who are today. I have decided to not let the past break me but instead to make me even better than I would have been before.

I would like to thank the Pink Cross for the amazing support they have shown and given me. Without the Pink Cross, I would not be able to share my story or come clean like this. I love the Pink Cross and everything they are doing to stop the porn industry, as it really does kill the souls of the people who enter. Thank you so much Shelley. God has really used your past to give us hope and through him, to help save us.

I would like to thank God for putting Shelley and the Pink Cross together to help save the lives and put an end to the abuse of the wicked porn industry. Thank you Pink Cross. I am truly thankful.

I also wanted to acknowledge the hard times I put other people around me through. I am sorry. You didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. I wish you all the best. You know who I am talking to.

Amber AKA Jessie Jewels

This former porn actresses story is taken from the Pink Cross Blog, where you can find many more stories about the truth of the porn industry.

The heart inside a porn star and me is not very different. Porn stars know, unless it is so hidden by the darkness, that somewhere inside of them something is missing. Underneath the parties, the mess, the drugs, the sex, the attention, the “glamour”?they want to be loved, truly loved, for who they are.

Donny Pauling worked with many girls throughout his nine years as a porn producer. “They may start out enjoying it,” he says. “But soon I see the light in their eyes go out.” My friend, Stephanie Taylor, who is a former stripper, said to me, “It felt like a prison. I knew somewhere inside I was made for so much more than what I was living in, but I didn’t know how to get out. It appealed to me at first. The money, the attention, all that. Then, it quickly began to kill my heart and all my childhood dreams. But I still hoped for something better.”

The heart of The Other Woman is no different than ours. We’re all women who want freedom to be who we are, instead of striving for an unattainable perfection. The only difference between porn stars and me (besides our occupations, of course) is that they often don’t believe they are broken or in need of the freedom and love only God can bring them.

I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare. (Ecclesiastes 7:25:27)

And the sinners she ensnares, some of them, only care about themselves, not her. A man who embraces porn, the more depraved the better, wrote this about women. (I’ve changed the language to be less offensive.)

Women are most beautiful when fulfilling their natural role as sluts and toilets. They’re also happiest when being most ruthlessly used, slapped, beaten, and urinated on. Don’t believe me? Ask Emily* – a girl who has experienced more ecstasy in being savagely handled than gently caressed. A girl who has rejected any kind of pity, or dignity, or shame, or love, because she’s found that joy and ecstasy, the most extraordinary bliss, comes from being utterly ravaged and debased. Emily’s an invincible victim. What’s been done to her has been demeaning and humiliating and disgusting. And she deserves more. More and worse.

Obviously all men who view porn are not this way, but many of them say things like the above paragraph. Or worse. These types of things are typed to porn stars on their MySpace comments, Facebook walls, and personal blogs. Men who participate in porn spoke to porn stars as though they were nothing more than an object. And most of the girls pretend to enjoy it. But we know that woman is the crown of God’s creation. They are the beauty and relational love of God. Yet, men desire porn stars no more than a cigarette. Light it, smoke it, feel good, then step on it and walk away.

How could the light in their eyes stay bright while being treated like a cigarette? Too many people, too many times, stomp their lights out. The only thing left to do is learn to live in the darkness or find a way to leave, and most have no idea how to go about the latter. So, they forget the desires of their heart and they hope, like Stephanie, for something better … until the darkness swallows their hope and the devil laughs.

But we (women) can do something for them. We can stop looking inward so much and realize that porn isn’t harming just our marriage. Porn is breaking hearts and turning women into trash. It’s killing souls. Men can do something for these women/girls, too. They can choose to stop seeking a momentary pleasure in what appears to be a nice fantasy, but is really a video showing the further beating of a woman’s (and the men, too, can’t forget male “performers”) soul.

Porn is a dark world that tries to lure people in with its many lies. And sadly, it succeeds often. Let’s stop looking inward and look out. Let’s start praying for the heart of The Other Woman as much as we pray for our marriage. Porn is a nasty cycle … let’s do something to break the cycle!

You can actually reach out and help the porn industry by contributing to the following organizations: Pink Cross and XXXChurch.