It’s so important to be honest with ourselves. So often we get married and it’s as though we’re smuggling drugs through an airport baggage check, hoping not to get caught. But it’s inevitable, we will get caught. Both husband and wife sneak poison into the marriage without even realizing it. And all of these things in our bags are packaged so beautifully, some a little more tattered than others, but underneath the mess there is one thing we are all carrying around: PRIDE.
Let’s take a closer look at our baggage so we can see how each thing eventually points us to pride.
Insecurity. I’m not just talking about women here. Yes, our womanly insecurities are obvious. But men also deal with insecurities. They often create this picture of an ideal man in their mind. He is intelligent, good with money, provides for his family, helps out at church, etc. He also, through his tainted view of beauty and women, creates a fantasy world where he is admired and wanted. He uses women to feel better about himself. And women do the same. They use others to feel better about themselves. They use the gazes of men to validate their beauty, and they use the unattractive qualities of other women to validate their flaws or say to themselves, “Well, I look better than her at least.” It’s a never-ending cycle of comparisons and judgments. A desire to live up to an unattainable worldly goal. To be something we are not. And underneath the wrapping paper of insecurity we see something loud and clear. Pride. There it is. “I want to be better than others. I want to be admired and loved by the world.”
Self-Righteousness. We pray every day, we go to church, we think we’re awesome and we think our spouses are the cow dung we shovel up every day. This may look good on the surface, but we know underneath there is one beautifully ugly thing peeking out at us. Pride. Women, we put down our husband’s for being so horrible. He lusts, he gawks at women, he won’t change no matter how many times we take our rings off and throw them at his face. He is a liar, a betrayer, a scandalous man who has hurt us time and time again. And we aren’t so bad. We are faithful Christians, right? We try our best to love him through, albeit we lose our temper and patience and don’t always treat him with gentleness. And men, you have done all this changing, all these wonderful things, and your wife is still insecure, she steal beats you down with words. But you’ve changed! You’re a better man! Why can’t she just grow up already? Men, you use women for our own self-pleasure and betray your wives, and then you think because you changed in a few weeks she should just get over it? Pride, my friends. It makes you think you are better than others when you really aren’t. It’s insecurity gone astray. It’s insecurity playing the defense.
Anger. Isn’t it interesting that Jesus says lusting over women is adultery of the mind, and anger is murder of the mind, yet we ladies like to get upset over our husband’s lust and not our own anger. Which is worse in the world’s judicial system? Murder or adultery? Which one of those often deserves an execution? But in our own pain we view adultery as worse than murder, because we are looking through our own glassy eyes. Everything is distorted when you are looking through your pain and not seeing Jesus on the other side catching your tears. Anger is the mask pain likes to wear when pain is too afraid to show its face. But pain is closer to Jesus than anger. Righteous anger is when we are angry because God has been wronged. How often do we get angry when Jesus’ name is used in vain during a movie we are watching? And how often do we get angry when our husband’s cheat or our wives continue to badger us? Think about it. Self-righteous anger comes from, low and behold, pride. Until we get angry when we hear Jesus’ name abused in our highly valued entertainment, we really should check our self-righteous anger when we are hurt.
Depression. For so many years we’ve wasted tears on unmet expectations when we could’ve been weeping our own sins. We’ve focused on not being good enough, instead of resting in Him who is good enough. We’ve focused on our worldly failings, instead of resting in our King and allow Him to transform our weaknesses. We’ve loathed suffering and embraced comfort, only to have it swept from under us and replaced with more suffering. We’ve kept thankfulness at bay, afraid to be thankful for suffering because we don’t want more of it. Martyrdom isn’t appealing. Self-sacrifice is too difficult and not worth trying. We’ve desperately tried to take care of ourselves, all these years, only to realize we don’t do a very good job at it and things are getting worse. We are depressed. And you guessed it. Depression stems from pride. “I want something and I’m not getting it.” Like a spoiled child, we refuse to look at our Father’s will as something to be thankful for, even when it hurts, and instead we complain that we aren’t getting what we want. Instead of embracing the cross, we want to skip that and get to the resurrection already. Depression stems from the pride of wanting things in this world, instead of desiring God fully and allowing Him to be enough. Instead of rest, we prefer to strive after endless goals.
All of our baggage shows our true colors. You can add any to this list and most likely at the bottom of the pretty wrapping paper you will find pride.
Do we get angry over God’s name being used in vain? Do we weep and run out of a film when we hear Jesus’ name used as a PG-13 curse word? Or are we too focused on our own pain to even realize what righteous and holy anger is? Are we too consumed in our own tears to even taste the tears of our God? To know what it’s like to be a Father who wants His children to find peace in His arms, but they keep looking to the world? Are we too wrapped up in our own pride and desires, that we can’t love our spouses selflessly? Are we always justifying our actions and blaming the other person? Are we too afraid to romance our spouses, because we are afraid we won’t measure up or get something in return? Are we withholding love because of pride?
Do we want more than we are willing to give?
Check your baggage. Get honest with yourselves. Ask your spouse to write down every last baggage they have ever noticed in your life. What have you brought to your marriage that is making it suffer instead of shine? And instead of getting angry, look at the bottom of the package to see that ugly sin called Pride staring you in the face. Then, together, realize you are both just as bad as the other and turn to God, asking Him to help you love Him more and become more like Him. To replace your ugly baggage with the light and easy yoke that is His and to find hope, rest, and freedom in the life you were called to. A life of holiness. A life that is always reaching closer to Jesus and further from the world.
