Whether your spouse/boyfriend/fiance/etc has decided to put porn behind him or not, there is hope for you. Obviously the healing is much easier (although still takes a lot of time) when your partner is walking beside you, but if he refuses you still need to care for your own heart. And even if he’s decided to change he may fall in the future. So, let’s look at a few ways you can guard your own heart.
Draw Near to God
There is nothing I can say before I tell you to cling to God. For those of you who are reading this and are not Christians, I don’t know if you’re healing can ever be as true as true can be. Without God I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I’d be stuck in the quicksand of this world trying to find a way to breathe. Your relationship with God is the foundation of everything else in your life. If that relationship is on the back burner any relationship on the front burners will end up charred. Make sure the foundation is secure. He will reveal things to you that I can’t on this blog … vital ways to help your heart heal.
Seek True Beauty
True beauty lasts for eternity — physical beauty lasts only for a lifetime (sometimes not even that). There have been times (even recently) where I’ve seen a model, magazine ad, or something that caused me to yearn for a change in my physical appearance. The media and this culture will always try to make us feel inadequate so we buy their products and spend money on a lifetime search for physical perfection. But I try not to give into these thoughts. In the past I would linger on them, even give in and buy certain products, but it’s not worth it.
Cut Your Eye Out
George and I are huge advocates of watching what we put into our minds and hearts. For this reason, we don’t own a television and we use pluggedinonline.com to review the content of a movie before we watch it. The more trash you consume, the more trash you’ll see coming out. We do not read celebrity magazines and things of the like, and we watch where we go. We are cautious with our hearts because we know we can easily fall at any time. He can fall into lust (so can I) and I can easily fall into the jealousy trap. By choosing to cut out our eyes and not surround ourselves with so much negativity and false perceptions of beauty, we can both rest and heal … and stay that way. Nearly every woman who filled out this survey said television commercials, PG-13 and R-rated movies, and magazine covers made them feel insecure. That tells me that I’m not the only one who would benefit from a television fast.
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
One thing that helps me immensely is when I meet women who are not concerned with their appearance. There is a huge difference between a woman with make-up caked on her face and a woman with little make-up and an open heart. I’m not saying make-up is wrong. per say, but that often we wear a lot of make-up because we are insecure. And insecure people are not at rest, and they don’t help me to stay at rest with myself. When I am surrounded by women who are so in love with Jesus that their inner beauty far outshines their outward beauty it brings my soul to life. It makes me realize what true beauty is and that true beauty is something I want. I want to be an older woman who isn’t afraid to have gray hair — who shines so bright with the love of Jesus that people can’t help but notice Him when they look at her.
Falling in Love with Truth
The more I focus on God, truth, love, and anything pure … the more I do not feel trapped by external things. The reason these things (above) are important is because your jealousy and insecurity will make it difficult for you to heal or trust your husband again if he’s decided to put lust behind him. He is responsible for his own heart and actions. He must look to God, cut out his eye, and seek truth … but that’s not only his job. We need to fall in love with truth as well. We need to ask God to rid our hearts of jealousy, pride, and insecurity, and take any step we possibly can to do so.
Ultimately, we have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Healing doesn’t rest on our husband’s shoulders, it rests on our own. We must be willing to cut out our own eyes and keep ourselves away from the temptation to envy. Finding your validation purely in God is not easy. For me, it’s a daily struggle. It doesn’t end, just like a man’s temptation to lust never goes away. The temptation may eventually become less of a draw, less of an interest, but we will never be truly free of temptation. So, we must always be careful and guard our hearts.
We must be honest with ourselves and allow God to show us our own weaknesses. And we must be willing to allow Him to change our hearts through the external changes we make in our lives.
This is a journey. But there is hope. And there’s healing. Ask God to search your heart and show you your own steps toward true restoration. And don’t forget to share your story with me. I love to read stories filled with hope!
