My husband, George, has written this guest post for men (or women) struggling to rid their minds of porn. Sexual images and porn wrapped around his mind and heart, strangling him for over 12 years. It crushed me when I found out as his wife, pregnant with our first child. But I can honestly say that he is a changed man. It is possible for anyone, man or woman, single or married, to break free from the chains porn wraps around your life. Here are his 12 steps:
1. Know what you are up against. Once a man (or woman) has exposed his/her sin and decided to turn from it, he needs to know what kind of battle he is about to face. The battlefront is in the mind and heart. The main enemy he will face is not mere flesh and blood, but principalities (demonic/satanic forces). The weapons are numerous. From lies whispered in the ear about being a failure (and incapable of being faithful) to images that fire darts at you from the grocery store line. Then, there are people in life who may discourage you … This fight is huge. And when you want to be free of this sin, be ready to face a great challenge for some time.
2. Know the Truth. When you decide to repent of this sin and be freed from the enslavement it brings, fill yourself with the Truth. The mind is the battlefield. It really is. Load your arsenal with what is “true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable… anything excellent or praiseworthy” (Philippians 4:8). And know what is true about you. No, not that you had a past of sin. Remember what is true of you from God’s perspective. You are a son (or woman) of God through Christ. You are already seated with Christ in the Heavenly realm. You can do all things for Christ. Constantly remind yourself of what is true about you, and about your hearts desire for purity and faithfulness.
3. Know who it is for. This fight must be fought for God. First, foremost, and to the end. You also fight lust for others (and yourself), but ultimately the reason must be for God. If you are single, know that no sin is private. No person may see your actions, or see into your mind and heart, but if you claim to be a Christian you are a part of Christ’s body. Your sin effects the whole body. If you are dating or married (all the more) you will be doing this for your beloved’s well-being as well. True love looks out for the best interest of others. Finally, but certainly not last in importance, you are doing this for you. The quality of your spiritual life and therefore your life in total is not what it should and can be.
4. Know what to do when your mind is attacked. If you are going throughout the day, and you feel attacked in your mind by hearing lies about how pathetic you are, or how much you would love to indulge in the sin of lust (in any way) meet the attack with worship, prayer (asking for strength to be obedient in all ways and for deliverance from evil) and praise. Remember not to dwell on the sin when you pray, instead surrender the sin to God and worship Him. Take your focus from the sin to His holiness. Thank Him for His holiness, faithfulness, mercy, grace and love. Thank Him for being your fortress and your deliverer – your rock and strong tower. The enemy of your soul will not like seeing the opposite of his desires happen when you are attacked. The evil agenda is to keep you trapped not to have you worship, pray and thank God more!
5. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. This is a reinforcement of number 4. Say no the way Christ did in His temptations by recalling Truth (speak it) and turn towards the father.
6. Flee Temptation. When temptation arises in any form. Remove yourself from the place/situation. Do not worry about making someone feel uncomfortable (even yourself). Flee temptation, do not justify, defend, or desensitize yourself to the temptations around you. It will only make it worse.
7. Make clear choices about where you go and what you do. This is a tough one for some people. You may justify some place you go because you love them. Maybe you don’t want to give certain places or things up. But remember … Jesus said to cut out your eye if it’s causing you to sin. Instead of cutting out your eye, you are taking Him seriously by cutting out places that make this more difficult for you.
Lust is a fire that needs snuffed out. Cut off it’s air supply and stop throwing sticks into it. Men are wired visually, so be careful what you allow your eyes to see. Your mind and heart file images away, and these are the sticks the fuel and the air that the fire breaths. This is closely linked to number 2. You get the bad stuff out and instead put the good stuff in. I personally chose to stop going to video rental places, the mall, and anywhere that might toss a stick my way. When it could not be avoided (grocery store line trashy magazines) I kept my eyes from resting on sexually-charged images. Snuff out the fire, or put in another way … let the river of the mind run clean. Stop polluting it. Do whatever it takes, even if it means tossing the TV! Also, since pornography is so rampant on the internet, decide to never be alone on the internet. If you work in a situation where you are alone, do something about it! Take extreme measures.
8. Surround yourself with people who encourage you. Just as Peter was used of the devil, others can be as well… even other well-intentioned people can be used to thwart what is good. During this time of restoration of mind and heart, do your best to find people that will support you – people that understand how important this is.
9. Be honest about the sin, but do not be stuck on the problem. We can fall prey to a cycle of focusing on the problem and making it grow in our minds to an unimaginable size. Focus on the goal of being faithful to the call of Christ.
10. Be accountable to someone who truly encourages you to continue fighting for what is right. Accountability is not just about telling someone when you feel weak or when you fail. They are just a source of encouragement in total. It’s not just an accountability group that goes something like this:
“Hey, man. I looked at _____ four times last week.”
“Me too. I just can’t stop.”
“Yeah. Let’s pray.”
Same conversation repeats the next week. Let’s stop focusing on sin and focus on God, purity, love, righteousness, etc. Pray, worship, and talk about the beauty of true love, the beauty of Jesus, the beauty of humans (and how we can better love porn stars by not treating them as objects of our pleasure). Remember to not just focus on the sin of lust. Turn from it and focus on things that are pure, and surround yourself with people who encourage you to do this.
11. Support causes that fight against the things that plague you. Do things to be an active part of mending what you once contributed to the tearing down of. If you have struggled with porn, pray for the porn stars and producers. Monetarily support a ministry if you can. XXXChurch (the Esther’s Fund supports porn stars) and The Pink Cross are two of them.
12. Know that freedom from sin ultimately comes from obedience to God. But your obedience is charged by God Himself. God’s grace will hold you up. He doesn’t ask anything of us that He doesn’t give us the strength to face. Rely on God and be obedient to His will. One day the fight may not be as intense and you will feel this incredible freedom I feel now (that I never thought was possible before), but always remember that you could fall again. This fact alone should make you hold fast to Jesus all the more. Pride comes before a fall, but the humble man will be lifted up by God himself.
Love. Love God. Love yourself. Love your wife/girlfriend. Love all of the women and men struggling because of porn. The porn stars, producers. Everyone. Love. You can break free from porn. I never thought I’d be here, which is why porn gripped my heart for over a decade (and many other men face this addiction much, much longer). It’s a tough battle. But it is possible. Fight for love. It’s worth it.
